We Are a Family of Four (well, almost!)

Elias James was born on Friday September 5, 2014. Since the beginning of his little life, I have been his mama. Perfection!

This whole adoption process had many ups and downs, was quick but expensive, and full of many, many new emotions. But, overall, just so much easier than infertility. Every step we made, we were actually one step closer to bringing our baby home. We kept looking at each other and thinking, "This is too easy!" After many, many, many years of infertility, 2 miscarriages, plenty of surgeries, treatments, medications, ultrasounds, blood draws and tears, adoption was a breath of fresh air.

Ella has been a super, amazing big sister and taking to Eli so quickly. She  just loves him so much and was so ready to have a sibling. The little moments we have all shared are really some of the most joyful I have ever felt. Now that Eli is cooing, smiling and laughing, his favorite person (besides me) is Ella. 

In our state, the birth mother's rights are irrevocable 33 days after birth. We have thankfully passed that milestone and we will finalize sometime before the end of the calendar year and at the same time the birth father's rights will be terminated by publication. 

We have learned so much about the adoption process throughout this last year but overall we are pleased with our agency. Another adoption is probably in our future at some point!

We had Eli baptized in October and it was such a glorious day! I know that I felt incredibly loved by our friends and family and I hope that Eli did, too. 

Gratitude isn't enough of a word to describe my feelings for Eli's birth mother. We are in communication with her and are trying to find a time for a brief visit with her. Our appreciation for each other is mutual which makes everything easier. We are all blessed to have each other. 

On Adoption

My apologies for the lack of posting around here. I just really couldn't put my thoughts into words. Well, I probably still can't, but I'll try.

The adoption is moving along. We are communicating with the birth mother regularly and are planning on meeting her this Friday. Everything on our side of things has been completed for the home-study so we are just waiting to hear that our agency completed their side.

This process has moved very quickly. Faster than I thought it would when we started out. But, this is good for us because we tend to stall on projects that take too long and lose steam. So, the good Lord knows exactly what we need and when we need it.

May and June are typically very busy for us with Mother's Day, DH's birthday, E's birthday and our anniversary. Lots going on every weekend and then there is just the every day kind of stuff. We have the nursery set back up and I just need to get a few small things together for the baby's arrival. We think that delivery date will be the first week in September. It is coming up quickly!

But the one part of adoption that I can't stop thinking and praying about is that this baby is coming into our lives due to the birth mother's sorrowful situation. It is more sorrowful than words that she is placing her baby for adoption and that our joy will come from this. Our journey to parenthood has been so filled with blood, sweat and many, many tears and this situation is no different. It is beautiful that we get to share our sorrow with another woman, the biological mother of our baby. I have been leaning on the Blessed Mother because She really knows sorrow, uncertainty, trust, and complete charity. She knows. Mary Mother of Sorrows, Pray for Us.

E is 4!

We celebrated the Feast of St. Anthony of Padua at the Shrine in Ellicot City, MD. Beautiful Mass, Procession, Adoration, Rosary in the Grotto, and BBQ! 

Farewell Summer, Hello Autumn

This summer was quite eventful for our little family. We took some great trips, Little E turned 2, we gardened, we canned, we said goodbye to good friends, relaxed, and just enjoyed the summer weather.

Some of my favorite parts of this summer were watching Little E jump into the pool with pure joy on her face, winning blue ribbons at the county fair for my canned goods, spending time with extended family, meeting new friends at our new TLM parish, attending outdoor concerts, blogger meetups, and resting in our outdoor hammock with my DH.

My least favorite parts were Little E breaking her elbow, getting more medical treatments, and melting in the 100 degree weather. And of course not having another little one to celebrate.

But most of all, we made some great memories and grew together as a family. Here are some pictures that capture the season.

Little E at our favorite CSA farm

Our bum arms (E's splint and my IV set up for the treatments)

Blue ribbon relish and other cans I made

My fav family pic from VT

Little E and the hubs at a July 4th outdoor symphony concert

I am looking forward to Autumn with apple festivals, a home school preschool co-op, enjoying the cooler weather, a family wedding, and preparations for the holidays. The fall always brings renewed hope for me, I don't know if it was the promise of a new school year, looking forward to holidays, or that good things have happened to me in the fall. Either way, I am hopeful and thankful.

The March for Life

On Monday, my husband, daughter and I attended the March for Life in Washington DC. It was so powerful. This was my first time.

We met friends, E and P at Au Bon Pain for lunch and then headed over to the Mall. It was so muddy and wet, but we saw many signs and people there. We couldn't hear or see the rally and then it started to rain really hard so we went into the Smithsonian. (Plus, little E was freaking out). Close to 1:30 PM we went out towards the street and moved towards where the crowd was gathering. There was lots of chanting and praying going on. As we got closer, we realized that we were at the front.

We watched some the marchers go by and then Little E started to freak out and wanted out of the stroller. DH tried to hold her but she was shouting for me. So I picked her up and then a sister in a blue habit stopped by and talked to E. She stopped crying and the sister gave her a blue prayer shawl and asked us to prayer for her and she said she would pray for us. I asked her what her name was and she said Mother Olga of the Daughters of Mary of Nazareth. Her shawl warmed E the rest of the march. We got into the march and E wouldn't let DH hold her nor would she ride in the stroller. I held her most of the way except when she wanted to walk a little. She wasn't not going to walk during her first March for Life!

As we were marching, I kept thinking of all the babies that have died through the massacre of abortion and just how incredibly sorrowful this is. I was tearing up most of the March. Here I was carrying my 19 month old and a 7 week old baby in my belly and I would walk the entire March in my hands to keep this baby in my womb, but some mothers "choose" to stop their baby's beating heart. Such a tragedy in our society.

We walked with the other marchers almost to the Supreme Court and then headed back to Union Station to get the Metro home.

We are so thankful to our friends M and A for hosting us before and after the March. We had a wonderful meal together and our babies played together. They are such gracious hosts and have a warm and inviting home.

Ba-bye 2011

Dear 2011,
Ah, you weren't one of my greatest years. It started off okay with a baby that was finally sleep trained and completely on formula. But, in March things started to go downhill-major fallout with the fam, worst vaca ever in April, conception in May, miscarriage in July, and continued hostility with the family. Not really a stellar year.

But, God's Grace abounds. I have grown closer to the Lord and done things I never thought possible out of love for Him. DH and I pray way more together. We got rid of our cable and talk more at night. We go to daily mass often with our daughter and have beautiful family time together. We have formed some close friendships with new friends and gotten closer with old friends. We see His Grace often in our lives.

I am looking forward to 2012 with hope. What else do I have?

Tomorrow I am getting a blood test (HcG and progesterone) because I will be P+17. I'm not sure what I think since the results of my ultrasound series weren't great, but the Lord is in charge.

Happy New Year and here's hoping 2012 is better!

Blogger Meetup and Some Random Thoughts

What a great way to spend a day in Advent and the Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe!

A and I meet in Emmitsburg MD for a early lunch with the kids, mass at the Grotto and a short walk on the grounds. We had a beautiful time together. I am so thankful for the Internet so that I have been able to meet A and get to know her! She is a beautiful soul! We share so much in common. The Lord provides us friends to show us His Love and Monday I felt showered!


Here is a picture of me and the kids (E was so not cooperating!).

Now for the random thoughts:

1. I have been wearing a veil to mass (novus ordo and Latin mass). It has been an interesting experience to say the least. At first, I hated it. I was so self conscious. I was only thinking of myself, but it made me wrestle with my own pride and learn to love God more. But I am learning to like it (I still don't have a post like my skirt one...). I still feel like an outsider, but I feel more modest. Virtue is a good thing, right? Lord, be patient with me, I am a work in progress.


2. Motherhood is hard. Everyday I wrestle with being truly present to E and loving her more. I am trying to learn to put myself last and do what the Lord in calling me to do in every little situation. I find this so difficult when I want to just talk on the phone, cook dinner, and carry on with my Christmas preparations. But, I remember those Advent seasons without a baby and turn my selfishness into thankfulness for His Blessings in my life.


3. Please pray for peace in my family of origin. Still broken and this Advent season makes it all the more obvious. I am trying my best to just accept the sorrow of this Cross for me and Thank Jesus for it. Sometimes it is just hard.


4. I am having an ultrasound series this cycle. What a great way to spend Advent. So far, 2 dominant follicles and good growth. The next couples days will reveal more.

That's all, hope you are having a Blessed Advent!

Happy Feast of the Archangels and Prayer Buddy Reveal

Happy Feast of the Archangels! We had a wonderful day, attended mass this morning (where E gave us loud kisses at the sign of peace!), met with a priest for some direction, and had a wonderful dinner with some great friends. We celebrated with deviled eggs and homemade fudge sauce and whipped cream! So wonderful!

My prayer buddy was R at Shoved to Them. She is so amazing, her faith is inspiring as well as her honesty and humility. She was remembered in my daily prayers, prayers at mass on Sunday and weekdays and rosary intentions. I even said a special prayer for her at the chapel at the Grotto of Our Lady of Lourdes in Emmitsburg MD. I was so inspired by her story and how she handled the many sufferings in her life since we share some similar ones. May God continue to bless you, R!

Our Day and Prayer Buddy Prayer Request

I love reading other blogger's daily diaries. Since it is midday I thought I would just give a snapshot of the our last 24 hours.

12 noon: drop DH off at the airport, he is going on a retreat at Clear Creek Monastery. Big hug and kiss goodbye. ;(

12:30 PM arrive home and put E down for a nap. Check email, then start making dinner, homemade pieroshki, yum, and talk on the phone to various friends (I talk on the phone way too much.)

3:30 PM get E up from nap, change diaper and feed her in her highchair (yogurt, graham crackers and peaches). Continue to make dinner.

4 PM Pick up friend and her baby and drive to local farmer's market. Buy watermelon, peaches, plums, salad greens, and enjoy the summer air and good convo with friend.

5:20 PM arrive home where my MIL is waiting for us, to play with E and eat dinner. Finnish dinner.

6 PM eat dinner, E wasn't too interested in eating, but drank about 8 ounces of milk and ate a few bites of sweet potato fries and cantaloupe. (This child loves anything orange.)

6:30 PM clean up dinner while MIL plays with E on the deck.

7 PM get E dressed for bed and MIL reads her books. I slip out of the house to meet with some homeschooling moms from my parish at Panera. (I'm not sold on homeschooling but appreciate the fellowship with other moms of like minds and varying ages.) Eat a wonderful cookie and enjoy decaf as well as the convo.

9:45 PM arrive home and chat with MIL some more. She tells me about an article she read in Catholic Digest. :) (Please pray for my MIL to convert, she would make a wonderful Catholic).

10:30 PM check email, read a few articles online. Give myself HcG injection. At least they are subQ now.

11:20 PM get ready for bed, say nightly prayers from Magnificat and go to sleep.

2 AM up to pee, ugh, is it the HcG I'm taking!?!?!

6:20 AM wake up, say morning prayers, take thyroid meds and shower. Clean up some clothing, etc.

7:30 AM get E up, dressed for the day, get her cup of milk and bagel.

8:15 AM drive to daily mass

8:30 AM walk into church, hope E will stay in the pew. At the first reading, she books out to go play with the doors in the back. Oh well.

9:00 AM call friend on way home from mass to arrange to get together today

9:15 AM arrive home, cook eggs for myself and feed E some fruit, juice, a plum and rest of bagel.

9:30 AM call friend chat for 15 minutes and then clean up my desk a little.

10 AM E gets frustrated playing by herself so we read books and play a little

10:45 AM go upstairs, put in a load of laundry, clean up E's room, change her diaper and get her ready for nap

11 AM naptime. ahhhhhhhhh....try to motivate myself to clean up kitchen but get sucked into the computer. Still here at noon. Oh well.

Usually if my DH is home he gets E up and dressed for the day and then goes to work after mass. He usually doesn't arrive home until E is ready for bed and we are reading books. We look forward to the weekends when we are all together. I love being home with E. She is so easy going and fun. I feel incredibly blessed to have friends that also stay home and we can get together during the day. I noticed that I am pretty social, I like my alone time, but love hanging out with friends and meeting new ones.

Prayer buddy: Please pray for my family of origin. My dad is very ill and they are all in desperate need of conversion. Lord have mercy on us all.

Barf-O-Roma

Did you see that scene from the movie Stand By Me? Well, that is what has been going through our little family and my extended family. We went to visit family and I thought that they were over this "noro" virus, but not so much.

Saturday night, the baby threw up like 8 times (once all over my husband) and then in the middle of the night, my husband got really sick, too. It was awful! I felt so bad for him, it is so hard being sick away from home. He was a real trooper, though.

The baby isn't eating food like she used to, but I think she is still under the weather a little. I am just so grateful that I didn't get this bug this time around. So, I was able to serve my family and be there for them.

Motherhood always has such unforeseen opportunities for sanctification.

Practice

We just got home today from visiting my family. Last Wednesday, I got to spend a few hours with my 3 year old nephew and my little E. My sister had to work and so was everyone else in my family! But, I feel like it was good practice for if someday we are blessed with another.

It was freezing here in PA on Wednesday, but I had to take the kiddos for a walk anyway! So we all bundled up, little E in a snowsuit and the Bjorn and my nephew in the stroller. We literally had to walk up a hill that was like a mile to get to the main drag in my mom's town. But my destination was just perfect, a kid's consignment store! It was so great! Toys for my nephew and cute clothes to buy. Needless to say, I had to take off the baby and my coat because I was soaked with sweat, but it was so fun. I had to buy a hat for little E that tied underneath and mittens for my nephew. We then walked down to the library where I fed the baby a bottle and read a few books to my nephew. I thought little E would fall asleep in the Bjorn on the walk home (which thankfully was downhill!), but no way. She just would look up at my and say, "BA!" It was kind of funny.

We had a grand time. But, I wasn't supermom because my nephew got waffles for dinner. Oh, well!

It's Been Awhile!

Sorry I haven't posted in quite awhile! I am still here. About 2 weeks to go to my due date. So here is an update in a bulleted format.

1. I had my synthroid increased 4 weeks ago and will get my blood levels rechecked today.


2. I have been feeling some braxton hicks contractions about 5-6 times a day. They just feel like pressure in my back or menstrual cramps.


3. Baby is head down.


4. I am measuring on time.


5. I am very swollen. Not much helps.


6. I was monitored at the hospital last Saturday, drs. thought maybe I was getting pre-ecclamptic. We were there for 5 hours, my BP was fine, had ketones in my urine. Baby's heartrate was fine. The monitor showed I was contracting a little but I didn't feel it. I think I had some sort of reaction to the heat and/or the food we ate out the night before. I have been drinking way more water and eating every 2 hours. Feeling much better.


7. My restless legs get the best of me. Some nights I only sleep 3-4 hours. I have increased my iron and b-vitamins and last night I slept 7 hours!


8. I am feeling hormonal. When I think of this beautiful miracle we have, it is a waterfall of tears!


9. I had 4 showers in one week. Three of them were surprises! It was a little overwhelmed but has helped me really see how excited our friends are and how they were really concerned for us during our infertility.


10. DH has been amazing, doing laundry, going to the grocery store, keeping the house picked up. He is nesting, too!


11. I fluctuate between being anxious about giving birth and being really excited. A huge part of me really can't believe that she is almost here.

Joy and Sorrow

This week has been quite busy. Monday I had my progesterone level retested and I am staying in high zone 2 so my doctors are comfortable with me discontinuing drawing levels and staying off the progesterone! Yay!!

On Saturday my great Aunt Eileen died at the age of 89. She is my maternal grandma's older sister. My grandma is one of 6 siblings (actually 7, but the first died in infancy). My grandma is the last one living.

I headed home for the funeral viewing and mass. This was the first funeral I have been to that I haven't really felt sad. Aunt Eileen wrote her own obituary, planned her funeral mass and even had planned what she would wear in the casket. She really lead a life of joy and was always a pleasure to be around. A family friend who is a deacon delivered the homily and it was so personal. The whole 2 days were really a celebration of her life and it was all so hopeful. The deacon had some powerful words about life after death and what it really means to do the Lord's will and love the catholic faith. It was so uplifting.

During the mass, I couldn't keep my hands off my growing belly. Aunt Eileen had told her daughter-in-law about my shower next weekend and that she was excited to come. I will truly miss her laughter and smile. The baby was so active during the mass, I think that she really loves being in church!

Another good part of the funeral was seeing tons of extended family. My mom has 32 first cousins, so I probably got to see about 20 or so of them and that isn't including spouses and children. I really love being a part of a big Irish Catholic family. Most importantly, I am beyond joyful bringing in a new life to our family!