We Are a Family of Four (well, almost!)

Elias James was born on Friday September 5, 2014. Since the beginning of his little life, I have been his mama. Perfection!

This whole adoption process had many ups and downs, was quick but expensive, and full of many, many new emotions. But, overall, just so much easier than infertility. Every step we made, we were actually one step closer to bringing our baby home. We kept looking at each other and thinking, "This is too easy!" After many, many, many years of infertility, 2 miscarriages, plenty of surgeries, treatments, medications, ultrasounds, blood draws and tears, adoption was a breath of fresh air.

Ella has been a super, amazing big sister and taking to Eli so quickly. She  just loves him so much and was so ready to have a sibling. The little moments we have all shared are really some of the most joyful I have ever felt. Now that Eli is cooing, smiling and laughing, his favorite person (besides me) is Ella. 

In our state, the birth mother's rights are irrevocable 33 days after birth. We have thankfully passed that milestone and we will finalize sometime before the end of the calendar year and at the same time the birth father's rights will be terminated by publication. 

We have learned so much about the adoption process throughout this last year but overall we are pleased with our agency. Another adoption is probably in our future at some point!

We had Eli baptized in October and it was such a glorious day! I know that I felt incredibly loved by our friends and family and I hope that Eli did, too. 

Gratitude isn't enough of a word to describe my feelings for Eli's birth mother. We are in communication with her and are trying to find a time for a brief visit with her. Our appreciation for each other is mutual which makes everything easier. We are all blessed to have each other. 

Farewell Summer, Hello Autumn

This summer was quite eventful for our little family. We took some great trips, Little E turned 2, we gardened, we canned, we said goodbye to good friends, relaxed, and just enjoyed the summer weather.

Some of my favorite parts of this summer were watching Little E jump into the pool with pure joy on her face, winning blue ribbons at the county fair for my canned goods, spending time with extended family, meeting new friends at our new TLM parish, attending outdoor concerts, blogger meetups, and resting in our outdoor hammock with my DH.

My least favorite parts were Little E breaking her elbow, getting more medical treatments, and melting in the 100 degree weather. And of course not having another little one to celebrate.

But most of all, we made some great memories and grew together as a family. Here are some pictures that capture the season.

Little E at our favorite CSA farm

Our bum arms (E's splint and my IV set up for the treatments)

Blue ribbon relish and other cans I made

My fav family pic from VT

Little E and the hubs at a July 4th outdoor symphony concert

I am looking forward to Autumn with apple festivals, a home school preschool co-op, enjoying the cooler weather, a family wedding, and preparations for the holidays. The fall always brings renewed hope for me, I don't know if it was the promise of a new school year, looking forward to holidays, or that good things have happened to me in the fall. Either way, I am hopeful and thankful.

God's Mercy

Reflecting on my second miscarriage, I can't help but believe that this is God' Mercy for me.

Let me explain. Throughout my short life I have encountered many sufferings. But, looking back, I realize that with each suffering, the Lord is calling me back to Him. He knows me. He knows that I tend to wander when comfortable. I get quite lazy. I slow down my prayer. I got to daily mass less. But, when suffering and in pain, I call out to Him. I pray more. I seek Him more.

Through suffering, I realize that I am not God. I do not know all. I cannot do all. Therefore, suffering is really God's Mercy for me. Just like the Cross. He could have stopped the suffering. But, He allowed it. Jesus modeled perfect obedience and Mary also modeled perfect emotional suffering to model how we should live. It is such a hard, hard way of life, but one that leads to peace. (And hopefully Heaven!).

After this second miscarriage, I have a strange peace. I don't get those twinges of jealousy of friends that are still pregnant. Or those that pregnant so easily. Now, I did cry about not being able to share this special time with my friends when I realized that I was miscarrying, but since then, no anger or jealousy. This is only by the Grace of God. And His Blessed Mother.

The March for Life

On Monday, my husband, daughter and I attended the March for Life in Washington DC. It was so powerful. This was my first time.

We met friends, E and P at Au Bon Pain for lunch and then headed over to the Mall. It was so muddy and wet, but we saw many signs and people there. We couldn't hear or see the rally and then it started to rain really hard so we went into the Smithsonian. (Plus, little E was freaking out). Close to 1:30 PM we went out towards the street and moved towards where the crowd was gathering. There was lots of chanting and praying going on. As we got closer, we realized that we were at the front.

We watched some the marchers go by and then Little E started to freak out and wanted out of the stroller. DH tried to hold her but she was shouting for me. So I picked her up and then a sister in a blue habit stopped by and talked to E. She stopped crying and the sister gave her a blue prayer shawl and asked us to prayer for her and she said she would pray for us. I asked her what her name was and she said Mother Olga of the Daughters of Mary of Nazareth. Her shawl warmed E the rest of the march. We got into the march and E wouldn't let DH hold her nor would she ride in the stroller. I held her most of the way except when she wanted to walk a little. She wasn't not going to walk during her first March for Life!

As we were marching, I kept thinking of all the babies that have died through the massacre of abortion and just how incredibly sorrowful this is. I was tearing up most of the March. Here I was carrying my 19 month old and a 7 week old baby in my belly and I would walk the entire March in my hands to keep this baby in my womb, but some mothers "choose" to stop their baby's beating heart. Such a tragedy in our society.

We walked with the other marchers almost to the Supreme Court and then headed back to Union Station to get the Metro home.

We are so thankful to our friends M and A for hosting us before and after the March. We had a wonderful meal together and our babies played together. They are such gracious hosts and have a warm and inviting home.

Ba-bye 2011

Dear 2011,
Ah, you weren't one of my greatest years. It started off okay with a baby that was finally sleep trained and completely on formula. But, in March things started to go downhill-major fallout with the fam, worst vaca ever in April, conception in May, miscarriage in July, and continued hostility with the family. Not really a stellar year.

But, God's Grace abounds. I have grown closer to the Lord and done things I never thought possible out of love for Him. DH and I pray way more together. We got rid of our cable and talk more at night. We go to daily mass often with our daughter and have beautiful family time together. We have formed some close friendships with new friends and gotten closer with old friends. We see His Grace often in our lives.

I am looking forward to 2012 with hope. What else do I have?

Tomorrow I am getting a blood test (HcG and progesterone) because I will be P+17. I'm not sure what I think since the results of my ultrasound series weren't great, but the Lord is in charge.

Happy New Year and here's hoping 2012 is better!

Our Day and Prayer Buddy Prayer Request

I love reading other blogger's daily diaries. Since it is midday I thought I would just give a snapshot of the our last 24 hours.

12 noon: drop DH off at the airport, he is going on a retreat at Clear Creek Monastery. Big hug and kiss goodbye. ;(

12:30 PM arrive home and put E down for a nap. Check email, then start making dinner, homemade pieroshki, yum, and talk on the phone to various friends (I talk on the phone way too much.)

3:30 PM get E up from nap, change diaper and feed her in her highchair (yogurt, graham crackers and peaches). Continue to make dinner.

4 PM Pick up friend and her baby and drive to local farmer's market. Buy watermelon, peaches, plums, salad greens, and enjoy the summer air and good convo with friend.

5:20 PM arrive home where my MIL is waiting for us, to play with E and eat dinner. Finnish dinner.

6 PM eat dinner, E wasn't too interested in eating, but drank about 8 ounces of milk and ate a few bites of sweet potato fries and cantaloupe. (This child loves anything orange.)

6:30 PM clean up dinner while MIL plays with E on the deck.

7 PM get E dressed for bed and MIL reads her books. I slip out of the house to meet with some homeschooling moms from my parish at Panera. (I'm not sold on homeschooling but appreciate the fellowship with other moms of like minds and varying ages.) Eat a wonderful cookie and enjoy decaf as well as the convo.

9:45 PM arrive home and chat with MIL some more. She tells me about an article she read in Catholic Digest. :) (Please pray for my MIL to convert, she would make a wonderful Catholic).

10:30 PM check email, read a few articles online. Give myself HcG injection. At least they are subQ now.

11:20 PM get ready for bed, say nightly prayers from Magnificat and go to sleep.

2 AM up to pee, ugh, is it the HcG I'm taking!?!?!

6:20 AM wake up, say morning prayers, take thyroid meds and shower. Clean up some clothing, etc.

7:30 AM get E up, dressed for the day, get her cup of milk and bagel.

8:15 AM drive to daily mass

8:30 AM walk into church, hope E will stay in the pew. At the first reading, she books out to go play with the doors in the back. Oh well.

9:00 AM call friend on way home from mass to arrange to get together today

9:15 AM arrive home, cook eggs for myself and feed E some fruit, juice, a plum and rest of bagel.

9:30 AM call friend chat for 15 minutes and then clean up my desk a little.

10 AM E gets frustrated playing by herself so we read books and play a little

10:45 AM go upstairs, put in a load of laundry, clean up E's room, change her diaper and get her ready for nap

11 AM naptime. ahhhhhhhhh....try to motivate myself to clean up kitchen but get sucked into the computer. Still here at noon. Oh well.

Usually if my DH is home he gets E up and dressed for the day and then goes to work after mass. He usually doesn't arrive home until E is ready for bed and we are reading books. We look forward to the weekends when we are all together. I love being home with E. She is so easy going and fun. I feel incredibly blessed to have friends that also stay home and we can get together during the day. I noticed that I am pretty social, I like my alone time, but love hanging out with friends and meeting new ones.

Prayer buddy: Please pray for my family of origin. My dad is very ill and they are all in desperate need of conversion. Lord have mercy on us all.

Friends are Good for the Soul

We just got back from a visit with a great college friend. She has 3 kiddos 5 and under and her baby is just 2 months older than Ella.

When she told me she was pregnant (for the third time), I was truly happy for her, even though she wasn't so sure she could handle another baby at the time. Then, when I was finally pregnant, she was so happy for me and seemed to know more about my pregnancy than her own! I remember her calling me on Thanksgiving, 2009, and telling me her baby was a girl. I called her, "God's Plan baby." She is truly a gift from God.

During my drive home, I was reflecting on myself and how I have grown. I have visited this friend for many years before and after she had children. After each of her boys, I would visit and help out. I truly loved it and felt at those times I could put my infertility aside and just be there for my friend. Now, I knew just where to pitch in and assist with the caring of the children, dinner, and picking up. It was so great to be a part of her daily routine and also help out. Plus, we could sit and chat and have a cup of coffee!

I feel so refreshed. I feel calm and taken care of. I just love talking with her, we can just dive right in, since we know each other so well. Having a close friend is truly a God given gift.

I feel that he has truly blessed our friendship and know that He will for years to come and also the friendship of our little girls!

Practice

We just got home today from visiting my family. Last Wednesday, I got to spend a few hours with my 3 year old nephew and my little E. My sister had to work and so was everyone else in my family! But, I feel like it was good practice for if someday we are blessed with another.

It was freezing here in PA on Wednesday, but I had to take the kiddos for a walk anyway! So we all bundled up, little E in a snowsuit and the Bjorn and my nephew in the stroller. We literally had to walk up a hill that was like a mile to get to the main drag in my mom's town. But my destination was just perfect, a kid's consignment store! It was so great! Toys for my nephew and cute clothes to buy. Needless to say, I had to take off the baby and my coat because I was soaked with sweat, but it was so fun. I had to buy a hat for little E that tied underneath and mittens for my nephew. We then walked down to the library where I fed the baby a bottle and read a few books to my nephew. I thought little E would fall asleep in the Bjorn on the walk home (which thankfully was downhill!), but no way. She just would look up at my and say, "BA!" It was kind of funny.

We had a grand time. But, I wasn't supermom because my nephew got waffles for dinner. Oh, well!

6 weeks to go

Sorry I haven't posted in quite awhile!

We are getting ready for baby, nursery is almost ready! We have attended all our classes at the hospital and I am reading a book on breastfeeding. I really can't believe I only have 6 weeks left!

I feel tons of movement, our baby is very active. However, I have been experiencing a lot of edema and yesterday at my appointment I had protein in my urine. So, I got some blood work done and was told to lay off the salt. I am wondering if it was the Mexican food I ate the night before...

Last week I was also screened for preterm labor. I was negative for fetal fibronectin and other infections. However, my T4 was a little low so one of my doctors increased my synthroid.

I am still so overwhelmed by this gift of life we have been given. I fluctuate between being so happy and crying for my friends who haven't been able to experience this yet. Those of you still waiting, please know I am always praying for you!

Pregnancy Related Update

A little hodge podge...

I had a repeat ultrasound last week and the placenta has moved from the previa (covering my cervix) to just a low lying placenta. Good news! Not so good news...still on pelvic rest. Looks like DH's high testosterone levels will have to wait another 4 weeks. Oh, the sacrifices of Lent!

Progesterone is up in the 50's. So, I am off all progesterone for 2 weeks until I retest again.

I have been sleeping mostly through the night. Thank God! It is amazing what sleep does to my mood. I know that once we have our little one, sleep will be far away, but I want to enjoy it while it lasts.


We bought a crib and a bedding set! Actually my mom bought us the crib and mattress and my MIL bought us the crib set. I am so excited! It was so fun shopping for the crib. We went to a mennonite owned furniture store and go this great crib for $150 when it was originally $600!! We used the book, Baby Bargins, to research the crib companies and also read about mattresses. We got a foam mattress so it will be easier for me to change the crib sheet in the middle of the night.


Next weekend we have our hospital childbirth prep class. I think it will be really good for us to spend time mentally preparing for baby. I have also been reading some books on breastfeeding and labor. I am still looking forward to learning more.


Yesterday I was 25 weeks. I am feeling better about this pregnancy in terms of the baby surviving. I have a hard time knowing how worried I can be in the moment and I was really worried early on. I also felt like I was being tested in the beginning and have survived the test (so far!). Please continue to pray for me and the baby and I always pray for my sisters in infertility land.

Here is a picture of what our crib and bedding look like...

Cardiologist and Friends

Yesterday DH and I went to see the cardiologist for these heart palpitations I have been having. My EKG was normal and he didn't hear any murmurs. So, I got a lovely holter monitor to wear for 24 hours. I just took it back. Of course, I didn't have any palpitations while I had the monitor one. Oh, well! The cardiologist thinks that I have sinus tachycardia which means that at times my heart beats fast. He said there isn't anything that I can take to help that would be safe for the baby. My next idea is to talk with Dr. S about it possibly being my thyroid. If that isn't the answer, then I am just weird.

I think the reason the reason I had no palpitations was because I got to spend the last 20 hours with LifeHopes, Sew, and This Cross I Embrace. I got to hold LifeHopes' baby and just relax with my friends. It was a glorious time!

Today when I went to return the monitor I stopped to see my MIL. We chatted about the ultrasound and told her about the placenta previa. She had exactly the same thing when she was pregnant with my DH. She had some bleeding at about 24 weeks and was on bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy. I just wonder if infection plays a role here...

20 Week Ultrasound

Our baby is a girl! I can't believe it! I am total shock. All along, I thought that we would always have boys. God always surprises me!

Overall, the baby is healthy. We did see that I have a placenta previa, which means that the placenta is cover my cervix by about 1 CM. I am on pelvic rest until our next ultrasound in 4 weeks. Also, I have been having some episodes of an irregular heartbeat so I saw one of our docs today and now have to see a cardiologist. My thyroid levels were normal as where my iron levels. Good news is that my progesterone is up to 47! I am going to stay on the prometrium and if it stays up, I can hopefully lower my dose.

DH and I are going to be stepping up our prayer life. We really need it. For starters we are going to pray together every morning, go to daily mass on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. Also, we are going to look into attending a retreat before the baby comes. Any suggestions are welcome!

Some pictures for your viewing pleasure. Baby D had her hands up by her face (praying?) and her legs crossed (modest). Can't wait to meet her!