Ba-bye 2011

Dear 2011,
Ah, you weren't one of my greatest years. It started off okay with a baby that was finally sleep trained and completely on formula. But, in March things started to go downhill-major fallout with the fam, worst vaca ever in April, conception in May, miscarriage in July, and continued hostility with the family. Not really a stellar year.

But, God's Grace abounds. I have grown closer to the Lord and done things I never thought possible out of love for Him. DH and I pray way more together. We got rid of our cable and talk more at night. We go to daily mass often with our daughter and have beautiful family time together. We have formed some close friendships with new friends and gotten closer with old friends. We see His Grace often in our lives.

I am looking forward to 2012 with hope. What else do I have?

Tomorrow I am getting a blood test (HcG and progesterone) because I will be P+17. I'm not sure what I think since the results of my ultrasound series weren't great, but the Lord is in charge.

Happy New Year and here's hoping 2012 is better!

Pa Rum Pum Pum Pum

This Advent has been purifying to say the least. Many times, I have been called to stop, reflect, and just plain die to myself.

One way has been to read "The Little Drummer Boy" multiple times a day when E says, "BOY!" This carol has given me ample time to reflect on Christ.

The humble drummer boy goes when he is called to visit the Christ Child. He goes. He doesn't ask why or grumble or drag his feet. He just goes. When it is his turn to honor the Baby Jesus, he sympathizes with His Humilty, and then offers the gift of himself. First, he asks Mary if he can play for the Baby, She nods, and then he plays his best.

The humility of the little boy gets me every time. I can't read/sing this for little E without tears running down my face. I have so far to go in stepping out in faith for Jesus. I want to have faith like a child but I fail multiple times, I constantly think I know better. When I should just say yes, offer myself and my own gifts for Him, daily. Oh, and do my best. My own wants, desires, and thoughts get in the way all the time when I should just say "yes" and do what He wants. Which is to love Him through loving those around me, dying to myself, and giving my best.

My heart is hollow, I am at a place where I am yearning for the Lord. May He come into my heart this Christmas so I may love others like He wants me to. Amen.

Blogger Meetup and Some Random Thoughts

What a great way to spend a day in Advent and the Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe!

A and I meet in Emmitsburg MD for a early lunch with the kids, mass at the Grotto and a short walk on the grounds. We had a beautiful time together. I am so thankful for the Internet so that I have been able to meet A and get to know her! She is a beautiful soul! We share so much in common. The Lord provides us friends to show us His Love and Monday I felt showered!


Here is a picture of me and the kids (E was so not cooperating!).

Now for the random thoughts:

1. I have been wearing a veil to mass (novus ordo and Latin mass). It has been an interesting experience to say the least. At first, I hated it. I was so self conscious. I was only thinking of myself, but it made me wrestle with my own pride and learn to love God more. But I am learning to like it (I still don't have a post like my skirt one...). I still feel like an outsider, but I feel more modest. Virtue is a good thing, right? Lord, be patient with me, I am a work in progress.


2. Motherhood is hard. Everyday I wrestle with being truly present to E and loving her more. I am trying to learn to put myself last and do what the Lord in calling me to do in every little situation. I find this so difficult when I want to just talk on the phone, cook dinner, and carry on with my Christmas preparations. But, I remember those Advent seasons without a baby and turn my selfishness into thankfulness for His Blessings in my life.


3. Please pray for peace in my family of origin. Still broken and this Advent season makes it all the more obvious. I am trying my best to just accept the sorrow of this Cross for me and Thank Jesus for it. Sometimes it is just hard.


4. I am having an ultrasound series this cycle. What a great way to spend Advent. So far, 2 dominant follicles and good growth. The next couples days will reveal more.

That's all, hope you are having a Blessed Advent!

First Time

This morning was my first time participating in prayer in front of an abortion clinic.

It was powerful.

The 40 Days for Life campaign in going on and my husband saw that one of the churches that we attend was praying the rosary in front of our local clinic this morning. He bravely lead our little family to mass and to the rosary. In the process, he invited some friends to join us. (Disclaimer: this was something that I haven't ever been felt called to do, but for some reason with him leading us, I felt peace about it.)

It is a beautiful fall day, a little brisk and breezy. We attended mass as a family. Then we drove to the clinic, put our daughter in the stroller and walked to the clinic. The priest of the church we attended this morning lead the rosary while some held signs and stood around a statue of Mary. We heard some honks, I couldn't tell if they were in support or not.

As we were praying, the reality that babies die in that building every week really hit me. It moved me to tears in deep sorrow for the babies, women, health care providers and our society. How can this happen? It is murder. A major tragedy in our society and very few do anything about it. This is such a sorrowful reality.

It makes me want to love my daughter so much deeper, what an amazing blessing she is.

Happy Feast of the Archangels and Prayer Buddy Reveal

Happy Feast of the Archangels! We had a wonderful day, attended mass this morning (where E gave us loud kisses at the sign of peace!), met with a priest for some direction, and had a wonderful dinner with some great friends. We celebrated with deviled eggs and homemade fudge sauce and whipped cream! So wonderful!

My prayer buddy was R at Shoved to Them. She is so amazing, her faith is inspiring as well as her honesty and humility. She was remembered in my daily prayers, prayers at mass on Sunday and weekdays and rosary intentions. I even said a special prayer for her at the chapel at the Grotto of Our Lady of Lourdes in Emmitsburg MD. I was so inspired by her story and how she handled the many sufferings in her life since we share some similar ones. May God continue to bless you, R!

She Sat at the Foot of the Cross

This morning while praying the Chaplet of the Seven Sorrows of Mary I realized something new to me. In the Sixth Sorrow, Mary held Jesus after He was taken down from the Cross, Mary held Him and sat at the foot of the cross.

Ouch.

She sat there. She didn't get up and run from it. She didn't blame anyone for Her Son's death. She sat there and was sorrowful.

I have so much to learn from Mary. So many times in the midst of suffering, I want to run away, blame someone else, or just be angry. But Mary shows us a better way. A way of peace. Of surrendering. Acceptance.

I have a far, far way to go.

Mary, Mother of Sorrows, pray for us.

10 Reasons Why I Wear Skirts

Just in case you were wondering...:)

1. It reminds me to be softer, in heart, emotions, and action.


2. It is a sign of obedience to God and my husband. (He gets to wear the pants.)


3. It is humbling. I don't feel like other women so it is a slash to my pride.


4. I am reminded to keep my legs together.


5. I feel more feminine. Growing up in a culture that pushed women to act like men, I need this daily reminder.


6. They are more modest, when I bend over to pick up Ella, I don't expose much.


7. I am actually not as hard on myself as I was when I would wear pants. Skirts don't show as much of an outline so I don't obsess over the extra pounds I have to lose.


8. It is a daily reminder that I am a Christian and am working on conforming my heart to Christ.


9. They are more comfortable.


10. Men act like men around me, opening doors, and offering to carry things for me. Win for both!

I have been wearing skirts pretty much exclusively for about 6 months. At first it felt very weird, I was never really much of a girly girl. But, I love the transformation of my heart and soul.