Happy Feast of the Archangels! We had a wonderful day, attended mass this morning (where E gave us loud kisses at the sign of peace!), met with a priest for some direction, and had a wonderful dinner with some great friends. We celebrated with deviled eggs and homemade fudge sauce and whipped cream! So wonderful!
My prayer buddy was R at Shoved to Them. She is so amazing, her faith is inspiring as well as her honesty and humility. She was remembered in my daily prayers, prayers at mass on Sunday and weekdays and rosary intentions. I even said a special prayer for her at the chapel at the Grotto of Our Lady of Lourdes in Emmitsburg MD. I was so inspired by her story and how she handled the many sufferings in her life since we share some similar ones. May God continue to bless you, R!
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
She Sat at the Foot of the Cross
This morning while praying the Chaplet of the Seven Sorrows of Mary I realized something new to me. In the Sixth Sorrow, Mary held Jesus after He was taken down from the Cross, Mary held Him and sat at the foot of the cross.
Ouch.
She sat there. She didn't get up and run from it. She didn't blame anyone for Her Son's death. She sat there and was sorrowful.
I have so much to learn from Mary. So many times in the midst of suffering, I want to run away, blame someone else, or just be angry. But Mary shows us a better way. A way of peace. Of surrendering. Acceptance.
I have a far, far way to go.
Mary, Mother of Sorrows, pray for us.
Ouch.
She sat there. She didn't get up and run from it. She didn't blame anyone for Her Son's death. She sat there and was sorrowful.
I have so much to learn from Mary. So many times in the midst of suffering, I want to run away, blame someone else, or just be angry. But Mary shows us a better way. A way of peace. Of surrendering. Acceptance.
I have a far, far way to go.
Mary, Mother of Sorrows, pray for us.
Friday, September 2, 2011
10 Reasons Why I Wear Skirts
Just in case you were wondering...:)
- It reminds me to be softer, in heart, emotions, and action.
- It is a sign of obedience to God and my husband. (He gets to wear the pants.)
- It is humbling. I don't feel like other women so it is a slash to my pride.
- I am reminded to keep my legs together.
- I feel more feminine. Growing up in a culture that pushed women to act like men, I need this daily reminder.
- They are more modest, when I bend over to pick up Ella, I don't expose much.
- I am actually not as hard on myself as I was when I would wear pants. Skirts don't show as much of an outline so I don't obsess over the extra pounds I have to lose.
- It is a daily reminder that I am a Christian and am working on conforming my heart to Christ.
- They are more comfortable.
- Men act like men around me, opening doors, and offering to carry things for me. Win for both!
I have been wearing skirts pretty much exclusively for about 6 months. At first it felt very weird, I was never really much of a girly girl. But, I love the transformation of my heart and soul.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Our Day and Prayer Buddy Prayer Request
I love reading other blogger's daily diaries. Since it is midday I thought I would just give a snapshot of the our last 24 hours.
12 noon: drop DH off at the airport, he is going on a retreat at Clear Creek Monastery. Big hug and kiss goodbye. ;(
12:30 PM arrive home and put E down for a nap. Check email, then start making dinner, homemade pieroshki, yum, and talk on the phone to various friends (I talk on the phone way too much.)
3:30 PM get E up from nap, change diaper and feed her in her highchair (yogurt, graham crackers and peaches). Continue to make dinner.
4 PM Pick up friend and her baby and drive to local farmer's market. Buy watermelon, peaches, plums, salad greens, and enjoy the summer air and good convo with friend.
5:20 PM arrive home where my MIL is waiting for us, to play with E and eat dinner. Finnish dinner.
6 PM eat dinner, E wasn't too interested in eating, but drank about 8 ounces of milk and ate a few bites of sweet potato fries and cantaloupe. (This child loves anything orange.)
6:30 PM clean up dinner while MIL plays with E on the deck.
7 PM get E dressed for bed and MIL reads her books. I slip out of the house to meet with some homeschooling moms from my parish at Panera. (I'm not sold on homeschooling but appreciate the fellowship with other moms of like minds and varying ages.) Eat a wonderful cookie and enjoy decaf as well as the convo.
9:45 PM arrive home and chat with MIL some more. She tells me about an article she read in Catholic Digest. :) (Please pray for my MIL to convert, she would make a wonderful Catholic).
10:30 PM check email, read a few articles online. Give myself HcG injection. At least they are subQ now.
11:20 PM get ready for bed, say nightly prayers from Magnificat and go to sleep.
2 AM up to pee, ugh, is it the HcG I'm taking!?!?!
6:20 AM wake up, say morning prayers, take thyroid meds and shower. Clean up some clothing, etc.
7:30 AM get E up, dressed for the day, get her cup of milk and bagel.
8:15 AM drive to daily mass
8:30 AM walk into church, hope E will stay in the pew. At the first reading, she books out to go play with the doors in the back. Oh well.
9:00 AM call friend on way home from mass to arrange to get together today
9:15 AM arrive home, cook eggs for myself and feed E some fruit, juice, a plum and rest of bagel.
9:30 AM call friend chat for 15 minutes and then clean up my desk a little.
10 AM E gets frustrated playing by herself so we read books and play a little
10:45 AM go upstairs, put in a load of laundry, clean up E's room, change her diaper and get her ready for nap
11 AM naptime. ahhhhhhhhh....try to motivate myself to clean up kitchen but get sucked into the computer. Still here at noon. Oh well.
Usually if my DH is home he gets E up and dressed for the day and then goes to work after mass. He usually doesn't arrive home until E is ready for bed and we are reading books. We look forward to the weekends when we are all together. I love being home with E. She is so easy going and fun. I feel incredibly blessed to have friends that also stay home and we can get together during the day. I noticed that I am pretty social, I like my alone time, but love hanging out with friends and meeting new ones.
Prayer buddy: Please pray for my family of origin. My dad is very ill and they are all in desperate need of conversion. Lord have mercy on us all.
12 noon: drop DH off at the airport, he is going on a retreat at Clear Creek Monastery. Big hug and kiss goodbye. ;(
12:30 PM arrive home and put E down for a nap. Check email, then start making dinner, homemade pieroshki, yum, and talk on the phone to various friends (I talk on the phone way too much.)
3:30 PM get E up from nap, change diaper and feed her in her highchair (yogurt, graham crackers and peaches). Continue to make dinner.
4 PM Pick up friend and her baby and drive to local farmer's market. Buy watermelon, peaches, plums, salad greens, and enjoy the summer air and good convo with friend.
5:20 PM arrive home where my MIL is waiting for us, to play with E and eat dinner. Finnish dinner.
6 PM eat dinner, E wasn't too interested in eating, but drank about 8 ounces of milk and ate a few bites of sweet potato fries and cantaloupe. (This child loves anything orange.)
6:30 PM clean up dinner while MIL plays with E on the deck.
7 PM get E dressed for bed and MIL reads her books. I slip out of the house to meet with some homeschooling moms from my parish at Panera. (I'm not sold on homeschooling but appreciate the fellowship with other moms of like minds and varying ages.) Eat a wonderful cookie and enjoy decaf as well as the convo.
9:45 PM arrive home and chat with MIL some more. She tells me about an article she read in Catholic Digest. :) (Please pray for my MIL to convert, she would make a wonderful Catholic).
10:30 PM check email, read a few articles online. Give myself HcG injection. At least they are subQ now.
11:20 PM get ready for bed, say nightly prayers from Magnificat and go to sleep.
2 AM up to pee, ugh, is it the HcG I'm taking!?!?!
6:20 AM wake up, say morning prayers, take thyroid meds and shower. Clean up some clothing, etc.
7:30 AM get E up, dressed for the day, get her cup of milk and bagel.
8:15 AM drive to daily mass
8:30 AM walk into church, hope E will stay in the pew. At the first reading, she books out to go play with the doors in the back. Oh well.
9:00 AM call friend on way home from mass to arrange to get together today
9:15 AM arrive home, cook eggs for myself and feed E some fruit, juice, a plum and rest of bagel.
9:30 AM call friend chat for 15 minutes and then clean up my desk a little.
10 AM E gets frustrated playing by herself so we read books and play a little
10:45 AM go upstairs, put in a load of laundry, clean up E's room, change her diaper and get her ready for nap
11 AM naptime. ahhhhhhhhh....try to motivate myself to clean up kitchen but get sucked into the computer. Still here at noon. Oh well.
Usually if my DH is home he gets E up and dressed for the day and then goes to work after mass. He usually doesn't arrive home until E is ready for bed and we are reading books. We look forward to the weekends when we are all together. I love being home with E. She is so easy going and fun. I feel incredibly blessed to have friends that also stay home and we can get together during the day. I noticed that I am pretty social, I like my alone time, but love hanging out with friends and meeting new ones.
Prayer buddy: Please pray for my family of origin. My dad is very ill and they are all in desperate need of conversion. Lord have mercy on us all.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
On Being Vulnerable
Vulnerable. I am so not good at being vulnerable. But this miscarriage makes me so intensely vulnerable and I can't get away from it.
At the beginning of my pregnancy, I thought about telling only a few people. "What if I miscarried?" I thought frequently. But then the joy overtook me of conceiving again and I went on to tell friends and family.
Now I am in the vulnerable state of telling friends that I have miscarried. It catches me everywhere, even in the grocery store. But it's okay.
I have been working on being more vulnerable and now the Lord is providing me ample opportunity to practice. It's hard for me to even cry in front of my husband, but I have so much in the last few weeks and I can't stop. I am usually an expert in falling apart in my house while the baby takes a nap. Or sometimes crying in the car. Occasionally I have cried at Adoration. I have just never been someone that is comfortable showing emotion (well, unless it is anger...).
But, now I can't stop. It's okay. Jesus wept. Our Blessed Mother wept. Accepting the pain, being vulnerable, is a path to peace. Thank you, Jesus.
At the beginning of my pregnancy, I thought about telling only a few people. "What if I miscarried?" I thought frequently. But then the joy overtook me of conceiving again and I went on to tell friends and family.
Now I am in the vulnerable state of telling friends that I have miscarried. It catches me everywhere, even in the grocery store. But it's okay.
I have been working on being more vulnerable and now the Lord is providing me ample opportunity to practice. It's hard for me to even cry in front of my husband, but I have so much in the last few weeks and I can't stop. I am usually an expert in falling apart in my house while the baby takes a nap. Or sometimes crying in the car. Occasionally I have cried at Adoration. I have just never been someone that is comfortable showing emotion (well, unless it is anger...).
But, now I can't stop. It's okay. Jesus wept. Our Blessed Mother wept. Accepting the pain, being vulnerable, is a path to peace. Thank you, Jesus.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Siblings in Heaven
Ella at 13 months and Hannah Grace (Baby Sew) at 8 monthsIt has been almost 2 weeks since I learned that I miscarried. I have had many ups and downs emotionally and physically. Losing a baby is never an easy experience, whether one anticipates it or not.
I feel waves of sorrow wash over me daily. As time passes by, the waves are less, but at times I am still surprised how intense they can be. I feel a bond with other women that have lost babies, its mainly a feeling that can't be described. Being open to life has its consequences, and the chance that a baby dies is one of them. I know it is not what God intends for motherhood, but He brings good out of every situation. Learning to thank Jesus for the pain and suffering and uniting my heart with His Mother's has been a very intense gift through my grieving.
At times I feel guilty for feeling so sad because I know the depths of pain that infertility can cause one that struggles. With a miscarriage, I know that the grief will eventually subside, but with infertility, the grief goes on. The not knowing process of infertility was very purgative for me. I really struggle with the unknown and now knowing my baby is with the Lord, it seems a little easier.
So, how does one explain to a living child that she has a sibling in heaven? I have friends that pray with their living children for their deceased children and other friends don't mention it. I'm not sure what my husband and I will do, but I do know that I don't want to ever forget this baby that we lost, who will never know his or her older sister's laugh and joyful personality. But, I do hope and pray that he or she knows that from conception we loved him or her.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Possibly a Valentine's Baby
Yes, I am expecting our second child. Its amazing. A miracle. After almost 6 years of infertility, we conceived the first month of active trying. Praise God!
But, I don't feel that I am Scott free yet. I am on progesterone injections and nightly prometrium. My first ultrasound was entirely convincing of no problems, there was a heartbeat but the dates weren't quite right. So, tomorrow I should be about 8 weeks. I have another ultrasound Monday morning to check things out again, so please say a little prayer.
That brings me to the possibly Valentine's Baby. By my calculations, I should be due around February 21st, but if I have another big baby, maybe I can go and just have another section a week early. Wishful thinking, huh? Well, it makes for a good title.
But, I don't feel that I am Scott free yet. I am on progesterone injections and nightly prometrium. My first ultrasound was entirely convincing of no problems, there was a heartbeat but the dates weren't quite right. So, tomorrow I should be about 8 weeks. I have another ultrasound Monday morning to check things out again, so please say a little prayer.
That brings me to the possibly Valentine's Baby. By my calculations, I should be due around February 21st, but if I have another big baby, maybe I can go and just have another section a week early. Wishful thinking, huh? Well, it makes for a good title.
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