On Being Vulnerable

Vulnerable. I am so not good at being vulnerable. But this miscarriage makes me so intensely vulnerable and I can't get away from it.

At the beginning of my pregnancy, I thought about telling only a few people. "What if I miscarried?" I thought frequently. But then the joy overtook me of conceiving again and I went on to tell friends and family.

Now I am in the vulnerable state of telling friends that I have miscarried. It catches me everywhere, even in the grocery store. But it's okay.

I have been working on being more vulnerable and now the Lord is providing me ample opportunity to practice. It's hard for me to even cry in front of my husband, but I have so much in the last few weeks and I can't stop. I am usually an expert in falling apart in my house while the baby takes a nap. Or sometimes crying in the car. Occasionally I have cried at Adoration. I have just never been someone that is comfortable showing emotion (well, unless it is anger...).

But, now I can't stop. It's okay. Jesus wept. Our Blessed Mother wept. Accepting the pain, being vulnerable, is a path to peace. Thank you, Jesus.