Siblings in Heaven

Ella at 13 months and Hannah Grace (Baby Sew) at 8 months

It has been almost 2 weeks since I learned that I miscarried. I have had many ups and downs emotionally and physically. Losing a baby is never an easy experience, whether one anticipates it or not.

I feel waves of sorrow wash over me daily. As time passes by, the waves are less, but at times I am still surprised how intense they can be. I feel a bond with other women that have lost babies, its mainly a feeling that can't be described. Being open to life has its consequences, and the chance that a baby dies is one of them. I know it is not what God intends for motherhood, but He brings good out of every situation. Learning to thank Jesus for the pain and suffering and uniting my heart with His Mother's has been a very intense gift through my grieving.

At times I feel guilty for feeling so sad because I know the depths of pain that infertility can cause one that struggles. With a miscarriage, I know that the grief will eventually subside, but with infertility, the grief goes on. The not knowing process of infertility was very purgative for me. I really struggle with the unknown and now knowing my baby is with the Lord, it seems a little easier.

So, how does one explain to a living child that she has a sibling in heaven? I have friends that pray with their living children for their deceased children and other friends don't mention it. I'm not sure what my husband and I will do, but I do know that I don't want to ever forget this baby that we lost, who will never know his or her older sister's laugh and joyful personality. But, I do hope and pray that he or she knows that from conception we loved him or her.