The Heart of a Mother

Something has innately changed inside me since becoming a mother. I am softer. I cry more easily. Those that abuse life or don't appreciate it made me sad. I speak the Truth for the sake of my daughter. Oh, the grace that has flowed from Christ.

Last week, I got news that 1 baby died in utero at 16 weeks, 1 baby (that is a twin) will most likely die in utero in a few weeks, and 1 baby has a cyst on his brain. My heart is still bleeding. I cry and pray daily for these mothers and their babies. I try to listen to the mothers with a understanding and compassionate heart. I know that Christ can heal them and bring about goodness through their suffering.

Through my suffering with infertility, I felt so isolated. At times, I hardened my heart to protect it. It was through Christ's love, I was able to pray for a softer heart. He provided this for me. I am still working on making my heart soft at times, though.

I am sure many of you that have not become mothers yet already have the heart of a mother. I have met some of you personally and am in awe of the softness of your hearts. You are so blessed to be this way already and I am sure you know the graces of a soft heart.

Prayer Buddy Reveal

This Lent has been utterly amazing and like no other in my life. I have been dealing with same major family of origin issues and cleansing my soul. It is good but very difficult. This process has allowed me to be more patient with my husband and daughter and also united my suffering with the suffering of Jesus.

My prayer buddy, Time Won't Give Me Time, is a very special person. She has endured so much to become pregnant and has been suffering the pregnancy and the anxieties that come with it so well! She benefited from my prayers at (almost) daily mass, (almost) daily rosary and daily prayers. I also offered up some of my emotional suffering for her. Hope some of it helped!

Dry Spell

I have so many posts swimming around in my head but can't seem to get anything that makes sense into a post. This Lent has been conversional for me. Prayer buddy, your prayers are working, keep 'em coming!

Sweet Baby, Where Are You?

Ok, so don't feel bad for me, please. But, I am just sayin' that little Miss E can become a miserable little baby. She is cutting a tooth, has a runny nose and a cough. This makes her not sleep well, not eat well, and be generally miserable all the time. Seriously, people would say to me that I have no idea how lucky I am. And I probably don't. Our baby is so wonderful, easy going, and delightful. But it seems like she just can't deal right now.

Of course, I have to look at this from a spiritual standpoint. The evil one always likes to kick me when I am down. I have had a completely dry cycle, horrible PMS, insomnia, anxiety, and some other special suffering that I don't really want public so the evil one knows when just to send some more frustration my way.

So I am trying something new.

For Lent, I have been upping my evening prayers, going to daily mass, saying the rosary weekly, and getting to adoration at least once a week. Plus, all the nice little suffering I mentioned above allows me be keenly aware of my emotional and physical weakness. Instead of trying to pray it away, exercise it away or talk it all away, I am trying to just give into it. Unite with Christ's sufferings. Let it purify me. So, when I feel my next tense up, my gut wrench, and my brow furrow, I take deep breath and say, "Thank you Jesus for the pain and suffering."

But, man is it hard. I'll let you know how I make out. And if you could, just say a little prayer for me. Thanks!

The Fan Club

Today my friend invited me to see her daughters in their high school musical, Once Upon a Mattress. It was a great show, very entertaining and wonderful talent! I was so honored that she asked me to go and see her girls perform. She was so proud of them, only how a mother could be. Actually, she was bursting with pride. It was awesome to see how much she loves her girls. My friend has a great balance of keeping the communication open with her girls and leading them in the right directions. It is great to see their beautiful relationship.

I know that it will be a matter of no time before I am watching my daughter showcase her talents. Who knows what they will be, but I know that I will be her biggest fan. There is so much love in my heart for her, love like I have never known. But for now, I will relish the quiet moments what I rock her in the dark and kiss her forehead.

My friend and I were reflecting that watching children grow is so exciting and fun. There is something new all the time and we are in awe of God's goodness to us. He has allowed us to be a part of His creation and we are eternally thankful.

The Best Years of My Life

After reading Elizabeth Hannah's article at Inside Catholic, I was inspired and introspective.

When I was in high school, I had the assumption that those years were the best years of my life. I agree that they were fun and filled with great and character building experiences, like marching band, sports, dances, and youth group. But, many times I felt unfulfilled. I experienced many heartbreaks and felt lonely because I didn't have a large group of friends. My dad would try to comfort me and say that I would make my life long friends in college.

My undergrad years where also filled with fun, learning, personal and spiritual growth, and travel. I also was blessed to meet my husband right after college. However, I recall many lonely times there as well. My dad was right, I met some life long friends there (and a life long spouse!).

Now, finally a mother after years and years of waiting for children, I feel fulfilled. I believe that these are the best years of my life, caring for my daughter and husband. I spent many years in a health education career and many years studying for it. There were times I felt really good about helping adolescents and families, but nothing like I feel caring for my own family.

I have fun everyday-hearing my 8 month old daughter laugh and learn new things, having a relaxing dinner with my husband after she is asleep, and meeting new friends and cherishing old friendships. I also find solace in caring for my home, right down to washing cloth diapers. Now, not everyday is so blissful-we have had sleepless nights, marital spats, and a teething baby. But, for the mostpart, I really feel like I have finally arrived. My high school and college self would have never expected to be so happy in the ordinary.

Barf-O-Roma

Did you see that scene from the movie Stand By Me? Well, that is what has been going through our little family and my extended family. We went to visit family and I thought that they were over this "noro" virus, but not so much.

Saturday night, the baby threw up like 8 times (once all over my husband) and then in the middle of the night, my husband got really sick, too. It was awful! I felt so bad for him, it is so hard being sick away from home. He was a real trooper, though.

The baby isn't eating food like she used to, but I think she is still under the weather a little. I am just so grateful that I didn't get this bug this time around. So, I was able to serve my family and be there for them.

Motherhood always has such unforeseen opportunities for sanctification.