Ok, so don't feel bad for me, please. But, I am just sayin' that little Miss E can become a miserable little baby. She is cutting a tooth, has a runny nose and a cough. This makes her not sleep well, not eat well, and be generally miserable all the time. Seriously, people would say to me that I have no idea how lucky I am. And I probably don't. Our baby is so wonderful, easy going, and delightful. But it seems like she just can't deal right now.
Of course, I have to look at this from a spiritual standpoint. The evil one always likes to kick me when I am down. I have had a completely dry cycle, horrible PMS, insomnia, anxiety, and some other special suffering that I don't really want public so the evil one knows when just to send some more frustration my way.
So I am trying something new.
For Lent, I have been upping my evening prayers, going to daily mass, saying the rosary weekly, and getting to adoration at least once a week. Plus, all the nice little suffering I mentioned above allows me be keenly aware of my emotional and physical weakness. Instead of trying to pray it away, exercise it away or talk it all away, I am trying to just give into it. Unite with Christ's sufferings. Let it purify me. So, when I feel my next tense up, my gut wrench, and my brow furrow, I take deep breath and say, "Thank you Jesus for the pain and suffering."
But, man is it hard. I'll let you know how I make out. And if you could, just say a little prayer for me. Thanks!
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Sunday, March 13, 2011
The Fan Club
Today my friend invited me to see her daughters in their high school musical, Once Upon a Mattress. It was a great show, very entertaining and wonderful talent! I was so honored that she asked me to go and see her girls perform. She was so proud of them, only how a mother could be. Actually, she was bursting with pride. It was awesome to see how much she loves her girls. My friend has a great balance of keeping the communication open with her girls and leading them in the right directions. It is great to see their beautiful relationship.
I know that it will be a matter of no time before I am watching my daughter showcase her talents. Who knows what they will be, but I know that I will be her biggest fan. There is so much love in my heart for her, love like I have never known. But for now, I will relish the quiet moments what I rock her in the dark and kiss her forehead.
My friend and I were reflecting that watching children grow is so exciting and fun. There is something new all the time and we are in awe of God's goodness to us. He has allowed us to be a part of His creation and we are eternally thankful.
I know that it will be a matter of no time before I am watching my daughter showcase her talents. Who knows what they will be, but I know that I will be her biggest fan. There is so much love in my heart for her, love like I have never known. But for now, I will relish the quiet moments what I rock her in the dark and kiss her forehead.
My friend and I were reflecting that watching children grow is so exciting and fun. There is something new all the time and we are in awe of God's goodness to us. He has allowed us to be a part of His creation and we are eternally thankful.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
The Best Years of My Life
After reading Elizabeth Hannah's article at Inside Catholic, I was inspired and introspective.
When I was in high school, I had the assumption that those years were the best years of my life. I agree that they were fun and filled with great and character building experiences, like marching band, sports, dances, and youth group. But, many times I felt unfulfilled. I experienced many heartbreaks and felt lonely because I didn't have a large group of friends. My dad would try to comfort me and say that I would make my life long friends in college.
My undergrad years where also filled with fun, learning, personal and spiritual growth, and travel. I also was blessed to meet my husband right after college. However, I recall many lonely times there as well. My dad was right, I met some life long friends there (and a life long spouse!).
Now, finally a mother after years and years of waiting for children, I feel fulfilled. I believe that these are the best years of my life, caring for my daughter and husband. I spent many years in a health education career and many years studying for it. There were times I felt really good about helping adolescents and families, but nothing like I feel caring for my own family.
I have fun everyday-hearing my 8 month old daughter laugh and learn new things, having a relaxing dinner with my husband after she is asleep, and meeting new friends and cherishing old friendships. I also find solace in caring for my home, right down to washing cloth diapers. Now, not everyday is so blissful-we have had sleepless nights, marital spats, and a teething baby. But, for the mostpart, I really feel like I have finally arrived. My high school and college self would have never expected to be so happy in the ordinary.
When I was in high school, I had the assumption that those years were the best years of my life. I agree that they were fun and filled with great and character building experiences, like marching band, sports, dances, and youth group. But, many times I felt unfulfilled. I experienced many heartbreaks and felt lonely because I didn't have a large group of friends. My dad would try to comfort me and say that I would make my life long friends in college.
My undergrad years where also filled with fun, learning, personal and spiritual growth, and travel. I also was blessed to meet my husband right after college. However, I recall many lonely times there as well. My dad was right, I met some life long friends there (and a life long spouse!).
Now, finally a mother after years and years of waiting for children, I feel fulfilled. I believe that these are the best years of my life, caring for my daughter and husband. I spent many years in a health education career and many years studying for it. There were times I felt really good about helping adolescents and families, but nothing like I feel caring for my own family.
I have fun everyday-hearing my 8 month old daughter laugh and learn new things, having a relaxing dinner with my husband after she is asleep, and meeting new friends and cherishing old friendships. I also find solace in caring for my home, right down to washing cloth diapers. Now, not everyday is so blissful-we have had sleepless nights, marital spats, and a teething baby. But, for the mostpart, I really feel like I have finally arrived. My high school and college self would have never expected to be so happy in the ordinary.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Barf-O-Roma
Did you see that scene from the movie Stand By Me? Well, that is what has been going through our little family and my extended family. We went to visit family and I thought that they were over this "noro" virus, but not so much.
Saturday night, the baby threw up like 8 times (once all over my husband) and then in the middle of the night, my husband got really sick, too. It was awful! I felt so bad for him, it is so hard being sick away from home. He was a real trooper, though.
The baby isn't eating food like she used to, but I think she is still under the weather a little. I am just so grateful that I didn't get this bug this time around. So, I was able to serve my family and be there for them.
Motherhood always has such unforeseen opportunities for sanctification.
Saturday night, the baby threw up like 8 times (once all over my husband) and then in the middle of the night, my husband got really sick, too. It was awful! I felt so bad for him, it is so hard being sick away from home. He was a real trooper, though.
The baby isn't eating food like she used to, but I think she is still under the weather a little. I am just so grateful that I didn't get this bug this time around. So, I was able to serve my family and be there for them.
Motherhood always has such unforeseen opportunities for sanctification.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Friends are Good for the Soul
We just got back from a visit with a great college friend. She has 3 kiddos 5 and under and her baby is just 2 months older than Ella.
When she told me she was pregnant (for the third time), I was truly happy for her, even though she wasn't so sure she could handle another baby at the time. Then, when I was finally pregnant, she was so happy for me and seemed to know more about my pregnancy than her own! I remember her calling me on Thanksgiving, 2009, and telling me her baby was a girl. I called her, "God's Plan baby." She is truly a gift from God.
During my drive home, I was reflecting on myself and how I have grown. I have visited this friend for many years before and after she had children. After each of her boys, I would visit and help out. I truly loved it and felt at those times I could put my infertility aside and just be there for my friend. Now, I knew just where to pitch in and assist with the caring of the children, dinner, and picking up. It was so great to be a part of her daily routine and also help out. Plus, we could sit and chat and have a cup of coffee!
I feel so refreshed. I feel calm and taken care of. I just love talking with her, we can just dive right in, since we know each other so well. Having a close friend is truly a God given gift.
I feel that he has truly blessed our friendship and know that He will for years to come and also the friendship of our little girls!
When she told me she was pregnant (for the third time), I was truly happy for her, even though she wasn't so sure she could handle another baby at the time. Then, when I was finally pregnant, she was so happy for me and seemed to know more about my pregnancy than her own! I remember her calling me on Thanksgiving, 2009, and telling me her baby was a girl. I called her, "God's Plan baby." She is truly a gift from God.
During my drive home, I was reflecting on myself and how I have grown. I have visited this friend for many years before and after she had children. After each of her boys, I would visit and help out. I truly loved it and felt at those times I could put my infertility aside and just be there for my friend. Now, I knew just where to pitch in and assist with the caring of the children, dinner, and picking up. It was so great to be a part of her daily routine and also help out. Plus, we could sit and chat and have a cup of coffee!
I feel so refreshed. I feel calm and taken care of. I just love talking with her, we can just dive right in, since we know each other so well. Having a close friend is truly a God given gift.
I feel that he has truly blessed our friendship and know that He will for years to come and also the friendship of our little girls!
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Practice
We just got home today from visiting my family. Last Wednesday, I got to spend a few hours with my 3 year old nephew and my little E. My sister had to work and so was everyone else in my family! But, I feel like it was good practice for if someday we are blessed with another.
It was freezing here in PA on Wednesday, but I had to take the kiddos for a walk anyway! So we all bundled up, little E in a snowsuit and the Bjorn and my nephew in the stroller. We literally had to walk up a hill that was like a mile to get to the main drag in my mom's town. But my destination was just perfect, a kid's consignment store! It was so great! Toys for my nephew and cute clothes to buy. Needless to say, I had to take off the baby and my coat because I was soaked with sweat, but it was so fun. I had to buy a hat for little E that tied underneath and mittens for my nephew. We then walked down to the library where I fed the baby a bottle and read a few books to my nephew. I thought little E would fall asleep in the Bjorn on the walk home (which thankfully was downhill!), but no way. She just would look up at my and say, "BA!" It was kind of funny.
We had a grand time. But, I wasn't supermom because my nephew got waffles for dinner. Oh, well!
It was freezing here in PA on Wednesday, but I had to take the kiddos for a walk anyway! So we all bundled up, little E in a snowsuit and the Bjorn and my nephew in the stroller. We literally had to walk up a hill that was like a mile to get to the main drag in my mom's town. But my destination was just perfect, a kid's consignment store! It was so great! Toys for my nephew and cute clothes to buy. Needless to say, I had to take off the baby and my coat because I was soaked with sweat, but it was so fun. I had to buy a hat for little E that tied underneath and mittens for my nephew. We then walked down to the library where I fed the baby a bottle and read a few books to my nephew. I thought little E would fall asleep in the Bjorn on the walk home (which thankfully was downhill!), but no way. She just would look up at my and say, "BA!" It was kind of funny.
We had a grand time. But, I wasn't supermom because my nephew got waffles for dinner. Oh, well!
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Dying to Self
I am so inspired by Sew's post! I am also being called to die to myself daily and it is so hard!
I do have a funny story about trying to get my haircut at the salon. Oh, the vanity!
I took baby E with me, making an appointment for a time when I thought that she would be pleasant. Not so much! She was tired on the way there and was yawning when we got there. She hung out in her car seat during the hair wash but started to get fussy when I got back the chair. I took her out and she had the biggest poop ever! So, I took her back to the restroom to change her before my cut. She totally screamed then proceeded to pee all over the floor, her onesie and the dry diaper I was trying to put on her. I got her cleaned up (but didn't have any extra clothes). We got back the chair and I held her for awhile but then when it got time for the blow dry, she screamed again. I got a partial dry and tried to pay as fast as I could and just get out of there! What a waste of $30.
Okay, I get it, don't take baby to the salon! I have a feelers out for a sitter and hope to get something established a couple days a month for a couple hours so I can do appointments like this without baby. I can't really rely on my husband because his hours are so long and during his early days I am trying to work a little. I guess I am a slow learner!
Life as definitely slowed down since having baby E. She brings a calmness to our household and a regular schedule. It feels so good. For the most part, we are a happy family. Some days are harder than others (or weeks, baby E got up at 5 AM for 7 days in a row). Having her in our lives has helped us to weed our the unnecessary things and events in our lives. We are trying to make decisions on what is best for our little family and those other activities will just have to wait.
I do have a funny story about trying to get my haircut at the salon. Oh, the vanity!
I took baby E with me, making an appointment for a time when I thought that she would be pleasant. Not so much! She was tired on the way there and was yawning when we got there. She hung out in her car seat during the hair wash but started to get fussy when I got back the chair. I took her out and she had the biggest poop ever! So, I took her back to the restroom to change her before my cut. She totally screamed then proceeded to pee all over the floor, her onesie and the dry diaper I was trying to put on her. I got her cleaned up (but didn't have any extra clothes). We got back the chair and I held her for awhile but then when it got time for the blow dry, she screamed again. I got a partial dry and tried to pay as fast as I could and just get out of there! What a waste of $30.
Okay, I get it, don't take baby to the salon! I have a feelers out for a sitter and hope to get something established a couple days a month for a couple hours so I can do appointments like this without baby. I can't really rely on my husband because his hours are so long and during his early days I am trying to work a little. I guess I am a slow learner!
Life as definitely slowed down since having baby E. She brings a calmness to our household and a regular schedule. It feels so good. For the most part, we are a happy family. Some days are harder than others (or weeks, baby E got up at 5 AM for 7 days in a row). Having her in our lives has helped us to weed our the unnecessary things and events in our lives. We are trying to make decisions on what is best for our little family and those other activities will just have to wait.
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